even if saving you sends me to heaven..

2009-07-01T13:19:00.001+08:00

sent off kochuvarattuchira gopinathan shinu yesterday at terminal 2 changi airport as he went back to India to study. that guy is funny, i tell you. a nonchalant, happy-go-lucky guy who takes things easy and was dubbed The Carpenter of Charlie coy when he was still in 4sir. and it seemed that EVERYBODY in 4sir knows him. even Cpt Azmie came down to changi to bid him farewell.

Shinu and i was the first two sergeants from our batch to do guard duty last year in march. suay or what. and since then, the guard duty has become neverendinggggg.

one more thing, that guy looooved disturbing the men by asking them to learn how to memorise spelling his name. lol. Shortly after, he was known as the michael jackson of 4sir. haha.

all the best dude. take care! see you next year for IPPT.

2009-06-27T20:03:00.001+08:00

i dont know why, but i think i cant take SMRT bus service no. 188 anymore.

not after what to the bus on two different occasions which i happened to be on board. both within a month.

Just three weeks ago when i was on my way to vivo, the bus experienced problem with its door. could open but couldnt close. the driver spent 5 mins on every stop just trying to close that damn door. and no, the door cock didnt work either. in the end, we had to get off at bukit batok and hop onto another bus. i took the cab instead.

and today, while i was on my way to toh guan, i thought about what happened the other time when i was going to vivo. i wondered and thought to myself whether anything's gonna happen to the bus and whether we had to alight again.

well guess what? this time something more exciting happened. the bus was travelling along bukit batok west ave 6, when vehicles from behind the bus and the opposite side of the road became horny and started to horn at the bus that i was in. repeatedly and incessantly. kinda annoying actually. the bus driver stopped the bus and cut off the engine all of a sudden and before i know it, the back of the bus was beginning to fill with grey smoke and was getting thicker by the second.

the bus driver opened the doors and no invitations were needed for the passengers to alight from the smoking bus. i was one of the last few to alight and inhaled abit of the smoke just because the damn army guy infront of me took his own sweet time to alight from the bus as it seemed as though he 'amazed' looking at the thick smoke. eh boy, never see smoke before is it? try joining the infantry and throw smoke grenades lah. or do you think by staring at the smoke, you could make it disappear? pfft. at that instance, i felt like pushing that doofus off the bus. too bad i didnt.

so what really happened to the bus?

it seemed that the back of the bus caught fire. i dont exactly know where. and the smoke from the back of the bus started to seep into the bus itself. i dont bother staying for the scdf to arrive either.

what i knew was that my bus trips aboard service no 188 has always been jinxed. pfft.

and this time, instead of taking the cab, i walked.

is it a sign that i should get my own car instead?

okay shall stop here.

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2009-06-25T14:55:00.001+08:00

~~3SG~~ Mr Muhammad Syazwan, signing off from the Army.

No more booking in on Sunday nights.

Guard Duty?

COS?

Extras?

those were the days.

thank you, platoon 7 section 2 for the memories. we are, and always be the Best Section in Charlie coy.

winners we are, winners we will always be.

Brunei, Taiwan conquered.

till next time.

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2009-06-25T12:07:00.001+08:00

lets talk about football, shall we?

since ive nothing to do nowadays, ive been reading papers and the internet - not to find work, but to know what's happening in the transfer market of the footballing world.

Being a chelsea fan since 1996, of course im hoping that chelsea will get themselves involved in the transfer market, being linked with big name players and such. and yes, they are being linked with such players, BUT so are other big clubs like real madrid, man u and man city. well, not that man city is a big club. but they do have the moolah though.

it seems that every club is looking to land that same few pathetic players. pfft.

Aguero, Ribery, Tevez, Ibrahimovic to name a few.

nonetheless, i still hope that chelsea would be able to buy new exciting YOUNG talents for the new season.

no pirlo, please.

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2009-06-24T16:10:00.001+08:00

its been damn long since i last blogged. figured since ive nothing to do now, might as well i write again. afterall, writing's been something that i love to do.

alot has happened since my last post here. well for one, ive ORD-ed. *applause

two, im going back to schoool in august.

three, im playing futbol on a more regular basis as compared to the time when i was still serving the nation.

and did i tell you im attached to this lovely girl named Nurizyan? heh shall not elaborate more here. *blush. Guys dont normally talk about relationship stuff on their blog.. or do they? hah.

oh well, my time serving the nation is up. no more field camps and overseas training. no more weekend duties. but then again, im gonna miss the friends ive made over at lim chu kang camp. no matter how secluded that bloody camp is, away from civilisation.

i hope that my time in 4sir wasnt wasted and i have at least touched the lives of the 6 men under me, somehow, someway.

shall stop here for now. will continue soon. okbye!

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2009-06-24T16:01:00.001+08:00

testing 1, 2, 3.

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2008-11-03T18:23:00.001+08:00

its been a while since i last updated this rusty blog of mine. alot of things has happened. hari raya has passed, unfortunately i didnt go out for too many raya outings with family and friends due to my commitment in camp.

section prof test's over now. my section did quite well in the company. im definitely proud of them and its my fortune to be leading those 6 men under me. went to malacca with my family and relatives last weekend to unwind. balik kampung uh. as a result, didnt get to go out with my sispec buddies and my elkrados teammates. then again, i had a good time in malacca. it's great to escape from the busy life im facing now in the army and just chill and do nothing in malacca. *takes a deep breath.

and yeah, i've finally met miss white daisy. thanks to her, im spared SEVEN extra duties. phew.

i like her alot.

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2008-09-18T21:45:00.001+08:00

i was watching America's Got Talent the other day when little David Militello caught my eyes and before i knew it, i was smiling as i watched him sing!

This is what i call naturally gifted, inborn talent. heh. and the fact that he used to be autistic till the age of 3 and that he didnt talk at all before he started singing deserves a standing ovation, i think.

and boy, did he sing that well.

The sincerity in his voice was powerful enough to touch the hearts of many.

it certainly touched mine. and make no mistake about it, he'd be a great performer when he grows up.

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2008-09-15T16:16:00.001+08:00

to all my friends reading this, im sorry if i've not been replying to your text messages or answering your calls.

i know that i can't use it as an excuse but really, guard duty and COS duty has been taking its toll on me and on my social life too. i didnt reply cause i knew if i did so, i'd be using guard duty and COS duty as an excuse for not being able to meet up, which in this case, you guys would have already gotten sick of for the past SIX months.

every damn fucking weekend has been spent in camp. So much so that i don't even have the time to watch any of Chelsea's live matches of the new season till now.

sorry, guys. i'll try to find time for you now that im having my block leave.

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2008-09-15T13:32:00.001+08:00

Its been awhile since i last updated this rusty blog of mine. been busy, very busy as last week marked the end of the BMT phase for the recruits from 4SIR. It started off with a 24km graduation march following which, a graduation parade for the soon-to-be-called privates. it was indeed a bittersweet memory for me to see them graduate to become 'trained soldiers' as the emcee said, as i could still remember the first time they came to this camp without any military knowledge in them and after three long months of training, i could proudly say, i've done whatever i could to impart my knowledge that is required during BMT to them. all the shouting, all the punishments that i gave to them, all the standby bunks; all were part and parcel of living a life of a chao recruit. heh.

Went for a bbq organised by the recruits yesterday at east coast. it was a good way to say goodbye to those who will be posted out from 4SIR, although not all turned up for the bbq. the food was good, definitely.

Moving on, ive realised that ive not been going out often with my mates during the weekends because of either Guard duty or COS duty. whenever they sms me to meet up during the weekends, be it to hanging out in town or having a soccer kickabout, i'll get frustrated cause i can't join them at all. and ive been telling them i had to do weekend duties all the time. pathetic.

Now that im having my block leave, i'll try to make full use of the break im given.

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2008-09-02T12:53:00.001+08:00

its been almost a year now since i first knew you.

and now i cant wait to see what lies ahead in the future. ((:

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2008-08-23T11:16:00.001+08:00

im back for the weekends, but only for a short while as i'll be running the AHM 21km run tmr morning at the Padang. after which i'll have to book in early to supervise the recruits for their one week long field camp which commences this coming monday.

on a random note, i'm addicted to miss white daisy, like a drugggg. heh. (:

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2008-08-16T15:14:00.001+08:00

im back. woohoo. at long last & im lucky to still be alive after the 16km run on tuesday morning. its been a long while since i ran long distances with the recent one being a 7km run at east coast. so imagine running more than twice that distance without any progressive training prior to that.

that's why i say im lucky to still be alive. and next sunday i'll be running 21km for AHM. what, they think 4sir personnels come from Kenya is it? pfft. i'll WALK i tell you.

i wanna watch Ayat-ayat Cinta on DVD but i can't seem to find it anywhere. i heard its nice. even my OC who's just broken up with his gf knew about the movie and wanted to watch it badly too. okay im being mean here.

okay next week's field camp. the most memorable moment during BMT phase where you eat, sleep and suffer in the jungle. eating combat rations, not showering for the whole one week, doing your business outfield. lets relive the moment again! i can't wait! only that this time i'll be going.. as a commander! :D i hope there's phone reception over at the jungles in tekong. :X

okay shall stop here for now. take care peeps.

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2008-08-03T17:18:00.002+08:00

So, i won't hesitate no more,
no more, it cannot wait i'm sure
there's no need to complicate our time is short
this is our fate
I'm yours

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2008-08-03T14:26:00.001+08:00

im back! but only for 12 hours before i book in again tonight. been doing saturday duty, AGAIN which means my weekend is burnt, AGAIN. then again, there's nothing i can do. sigh. 3rd sergeant only what. haha.

anws, a recap of what happened this past week. the recruits had their Individual Marksmanship Training lesson at PLC. it was their first time shooting a SAR 21 rifle, even though it was only a simulation. they'd be having their live range tomorrow. just hope nobody points their loaded rifle at me. heh. AND OH, my recruits were so so cheeky, they asked the NCC girls at PLC for their number. those NCC cadets were there for their IMT shoot as well. what makes it more unacceptable for me was that those girls were only 14 years old lah, while my recruits are what, 19-20 years old? shame on them for preying on lil girls. tsk. *shakes head.

just so you know, the song I'm yours by Jason Mraz is playing on repeat mode on my iPod. (:

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2008-07-27T15:33:00.001+08:00

you make me wanna write poems again.

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2008-07-27T13:23:00.001+08:00

you're like a drug which gets me addicted.
you're like a drug which makes me happy.
a drug which makes me smile silly and forget all the troubles i face
you're a drug, and i sure am hooked alright. ((:

and so my COS duty on a saturday ended this morning. it was damn boring with absolutely NOTHING for me to do except watching tv, blasting the music from my ipod out loud and playing the psp. the whole charlie company was MINE yesterday! wahaha. not a single soul to disturb me.

but it was still boring nevertheless, glad its over now. at least its much better than doing guard duty though. hmm.

yesterday was one of the better days i've had in weeks now. all because of a text message i received at 8pm yesterday. :DDD i pinched myself twice just in case i was dreaming. heh

my OC's a changed man now. on friday, he asked us specialists to bring the recruits for friday prayers. at long last. hahaha.

okay gotta go now. be good and take care alrights!

You know she's stunning
She's absolutely stunning
But she's always running
But I'll catch up to her...

The way she keeps her distance
Keepin my interest
So I'll keep it consistent

Maybe someday, someway, somehow, sometime
We'll get together and we'll break it down
And I'll ask, "why you gotta be so shy, why you gotta be that way?"
Well maybe, baby, I like it that way
Shy that way
Maybe I, like it shy that way

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2008-07-25T22:38:00.001+08:00

i hope whatever i've done all these while don't go unnoticed.

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2008-07-22T16:24:00.001+08:00

If it's a broken part, replace it
But, if it's a broken heart then brace it
If it's a broken heart then face it

Details in the Fabric - Jason Mraz

2008-07-22T14:23:00.001+08:00

im at home now. taking a well deserved break from army life and taking care of recruits 24/7 in camp. when they act like lil devils, it can be very very difficult to control them and i think if that carries on for the next one year of my NS life, i'd have high blood pressure by then. on the other hand, when their 'blur' side surfaces, it could make me laugh out loud like nobody's business. the first aid lesson that they had, which they were supposed to bandage their wounded friends, became a mummy costume competition. one supposedly had a left eye injury, but was bandaged on both eyes. tell me how was he supposed to see like that?

one guy who always got on my nerves had to go for lunch with the bandage on his head. i didnt allow him to take it off. serves him right as the everyone in the cookhouse laughed at him. wahaha.

lets not talk about technical handling of the SAR21 weapon. it left me exasperated trying to teach a very very very slow learner how to handle that damned rifle. but it made me more patient in the end. *breathes in hard. patience is a virtue! heh.

i so badly wanted a break from army. now that im home, i dont know what to do. pfft.

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2008-07-13T20:05:00.001+08:00

am booking in soon. ahh!

anws, chilled out with the guys on saturday in town. kennie needed a listening ear and we hoped we were of some help that night. you could always count on us bro.

talking about listening ear, thank you for listening to my problems that i faced in camp for the past few weeks, my complaints and accompanying me over the phone when i was on my way home in the night rider late at night. heh i really appreciate it. (: be confident and try to stay calm for your interview and im sure everything's gonna turn out just fine.

dammit. gotta go now. bye!

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2008-07-06T18:19:00.001+08:00

presenting.. my new adidas jersey! tadaaa!

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2008-07-06T18:16:00.001+08:00

Met up with kennie and ling han in town yesterday after spending 4 consecutive saturdays in camp. its been a while since i met up with them due to my NS commitment. Was supposed to meet them at 8pm ystd but i reached there kinda early and inevitably i ran into two of my recruits there. and one of them actually called me sergeant in public. -_-"

and and and oh i saw fiona xie too at far east, obviously trying not to attract any attention by keeping her head down when she walked. boy, i must say she's quite tall for a girl and too bad i didnt have a camera with me yesterday or that'd have been my friendster primary pic. heh!

had supper at zam zam restaurant with my buddies before calling it a day.

come on elks, lets have a soccer kickabout soon on sunday? my leg's aching to kick a ball. haha.

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2008-07-01T15:22:00.001+08:00

life is unpredictable
neither is it always fair in your favour
what makes you strong is how you turn it in your favour
and the way you stand up even stronger each time life sets you back

life may give you a reason to be unhappy and sad
but at times, life does makes you smile once in a while
its just that we choose not to remember the happy moments that made us smile
instead we dwell on the unhappy moments, which of course, makes us unhappy

there are choices in life, no matter how limited they are
sometimes obvious, sometimes these choices in life are hidden
and we have to take the initiative to find them
once found, its up to you to make the most out of them and treasure them indefinitely

thebrokenthebeatenandthedamned.

2008-06-23T18:51:00.001+08:00

i used to be a Portugal supporter since Euro 2000 because Luis Figo was in the team. i feel that the team now is much different from the team dubbed the golden generation in the past as the team now has become more cocky, more arrogant and one player's the cause of it all - cristiano ronaldo. he still hasnt proven anything yet on the international stage, i think. he should just stop telling the world that he's good and concentrate on playing football on the pitch.

zinedine zidane should give him a tip or two on how to be humble.

anws, go germany go!

thebrokenthebeatenandthedamned.

2008-06-23T14:39:00.001+08:00

taking care of the mono-intake men is indeed challenging but manageable. its been a week and i try my best to control my temper whenever im handling them. im back only for a day. booking in tonight cause its still their confinement week. but i must say though that not all are hard to handle. some really listen to you cause they do not wanna get into trouble. some also made me realise how lucky i've been, considering the fact that most come from broken families, not that educated and have criminal records. BUT i never ever looked down on every single one of them because i believe they genuinely wanna change for the better when they enlist into the army. lets hope they really do.

they say there's no bad soldiers, there's only bad commanders. i dont wanna fall into that category.

and oh, im chosen to be a GPMG commander. mixed feelings about that though. For one, i dont wanna be treated like a ball and thrown into whichever platoon that is short of commanders.

sigh.

and and im unable to go for two of my poly friends' birthday parties this coming week cause im confined yet again. sorry naz and wendy cause im unable to be there.

thebrokenthebeatenandthedamned.

2008-06-10T21:13:00.001+08:00

i know you wont be able to read this but nonetheless, happy birthday to you!

okay im gonna get confined in camp for two weeks starting this friday. one week only if im lucky enough.

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2008-06-07T20:48:00.001+08:00

At last the much anticipated Euro 08 kicks off tonight! as usual, i'll be supporting Germany and Portugal, just like i did in the 06 world cup only to see both teams fighting it out for the 3rd and 4th placing. Who cares if England is not in the competition anws? they are too overrated and full of players who place themselves before the team. too bad i wont be watching most of the matches cause i have to stay in camp together with the new recruits who will enlist very soon. damn! two weekends burnt just like that.

Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind.
Or I won't live to see another day.
I swear it's true.
Because a girl like you is impossible to find,
You're impossible to find.

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2008-06-05T23:41:00.001+08:00

down with a flu.

damn i hate it when that happens. had my close combat training grading today. wasn't that bad. didnt make any mistakes i think. grr. now i can fight! hah. kidding.

sleeping soon and hoping that the flu will be gone by the time i wake up later.

i hate this feeling which im feeling right how which doesnt feel right at all. can you feel it?

okbye.

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2008-06-01T21:00:00.001+08:00

i felt that the soccer match today was definitely time-wasting. we came with 11 players and so did they but we played the match with 9 men each, just because two players from their side decided to come for the game without their soccer boots. what, they think two pairs of boots were gonna miraculously appear on the pitch once they stepped on it? hah! there's not much that we could do with 9 men, formation wise. nevertheless, we were glad that we came out on top. so yeah.

helped my sis write an appeal for admission to NTU. hope it goes through and would be successful. didnt know i could be sucha nice brother eh? well, me neither.

two more hours before i leave home for the damned camp. fug, the emo feeling's starting to sink in. damn.

and i have guard duty on the day you fly off to Mecca. jssuisjeywaknddish lah!

altogether now - jssuisjeywaknddish lah!

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2008-05-31T17:01:00.001+08:00

i realised i haven't been updating for awhile now. these past few weeks has been the same, basically. guard duties over the weekends, meeting up with my mates after guard duties and soccer matches on sundays. in fact, i have a game tmrw in the morning where we'd be looking forward to end our winless streak.

so let me see what has happened recently. someone i knew lost her dad in a motorcycle accident recently. i could only offer her words of encouragement and be a listening ear to her whenever she feels down. am glad that she's taking all this strongly though. hmmm.

the number of guard duties still remain the same for me, be it on weekdays or weekends. this means that my life STILL only revolves around 4SIR and guard duties, which nearly got me into trouble the other day with the RSM. so i say, fuck guard duty.

Met up with my army mates few weeks back and my poly buddies last week to do some catching up. Been playing soccer too with my secondary school mates whenever i have the time. i think i have to, or else i'd have a fuckingly pathetic social life.

the recruits are gonna enlist on the 13th June. these recruits are very very different from those in tekong due to the fact that they come from broken families and most received very little, or no education at all. nevertheless, i believe i can mould them to be good soldiers although it might take time.

and, and even though chelsea lost to man u in the champions league final although they were the better team after the 30th minute onwards, i believe they'd come back much stronger next season. come on, you blues!

am gonna stop here for now. will update more when i have the time. take care all.

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2008-05-02T02:20:00.001+08:00

Give me a chance to know you
That is all I ask for
If only sincerity could be measured by words,
A 1000 words essay I’d write for you, that's for sure.

Give me a chance to know you
Would you, please?

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2008-05-01T21:43:00.001+08:00

told you it was going to be third time lucky for chelsea. especially admired the way frank lampard played yesterday even though he was given compassionate leave by chelsea football club due to his mother's death. the fact that he played very, very well yesterday spraying passes from midfield, that killer through pass that eluded jamie carragher to help set up the first goal and that penalty kick in extra time, showed exactly how strong he was not only physically but mentally as well.

he could have taken that compassionate leave and watch the game from the stand, he could even let michael ballack take that all-important penalty kick in extra time, but he didn't take either option. he showed nerves of steel as he coolly slotted the ball home to give chelsea the lead. the way he celebrated his goal really touched me and it showed just how much his mom meant to him.

the champions league final in moscow is nothing more than what we chelsea fans deserve after going through the heartbreak of two semifinal losses against liverpool. if chelsea's gonna play with their heart against man u in moscow like how lamps did yesterday, then i wouldnt bet against them lifting the trophy in moscow.

come on, chelsea!

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2008-04-28T21:19:00.001+08:00

could only manage a 3-3 draw against a 4SIR team which we should have beaten easily on sunday afternoon based on the fact that we dominated the match from start till the end. naturally i was disappointed but football's like that. the best team on the pitch doesnt always win all the time. what matters is that each and everyone of us gave our best. the game left me with a bruised right thigh and feeling dizzy and groggy that sunday night.

i've been reading lately, especially books by mitch albom. i've read 'for one more day' and is currently reading 'tuesdays with morrie'. i must say, the books made me think long and hard about life itself and the need to cherish it as well as the people surrounding us in life. it has taught me not to take anything for granted and that includes you, the one reading this.

8-5 course ending soon on wednesday and soon i'll be back where it all started - 4sir in lim chu kang camp where i'll be doing guard duty over again like nobody's business and weekends burnt like we dont need them at all. sigh

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2008-04-27T00:36:00.001+08:00

Dear Mr Muhammad Syazwan

congratulations! the University Admission Selection Committee has approved your application for admission to Nanyang Technological University (NTU) to study a programme in:

Mechanical Engineering (direct entry to second year)

Am just glad that NTU approved my application, even though its only mechanical engineering. Just like chemical engineering in Singapore polytechnic where I wasn’t that enthusiastic about, it’s the same this time. I have to give it my best shot. Come ord next year in june, its back to school! :D

Currently having a course on Installation, protection and security in clementi camp, which means I get to go home and sleep every day since it’s an 8-5 course.

And and and, Chelsea managed to beat man u 2-1 on home ground which means that the title race’s going all the way down to the wire where neither team can afford any slip-ups.

All I can say is, GO CHELSEA GO! :D

If things go well for both teams, they’d get a chance to play each other again in Moscow in May.

If that happens, all I can say is, GO CHELSEA GO! Hahaha.

That’s it for now. Got a soccer game tmrw. Take care, peeps.

Thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2008-04-22T20:26:00.002+08:00

I wish I could read your mind
So I wouldn’t hesitate to ask you out
For fear that I’d be declined
And so I live in doubt

I wish I could read your mind
So I’d never step on your toes
Cause someone like you is hard to find
Penning this down, letting you know.

I wish I could read your mind
So that all this wouldn’t end abruptly
So please, show me a sign
I really want to know, oh so dearly.

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2008-04-21T20:17:00.001+08:00

i know i've been texting you for more than 6 months now.

i know i've been talking to you over the phone recently.

thus, i try to challenge myself by not texting you or keeping in contact with you for one single day but i always fail to do so. i just can't seem to do so, even when i'm a thousand miles away in taiwan or also when im road-tripping to KL with my buddies. as cheesy as it may sound, this shows you're always being thought of, and distance is definitely not a factor, clearly.

i dont know why im typing this out. all i know is that when you'll be away in June, rest assured you'll not be forgotten. this, i promise you.

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2008-04-16T21:27:00.001+08:00

its been a long time since i ran long distances. the last time i did so was the 10km CSB run which was like, three months ago. So, when the platoon sergeants in 4SIR decided to take us for a run-swim-run which covered a total distance of 15km from lim chu kang to NTU to jurong west stadium to NTU again and back to camp, my whole body ached like never before. it didnt help that the run was held from 9am in the morning and stretched all the way till 1230pm where the sun was at its peak and also the fact that the swim was cancelled cause the platoon sergeant didnt bother checking beforehand which day would the swimming pool be closed on due to maintenance work. surprise, surprise! when we reached the stadium and looked forward to the swim after a long run, the pool was closed!

to sum it up, we ran all the way to jurong west for.. NOTHING! pfft.

what? they think i have the stamina of a horse?

and my suggestion of taking a cab back to camp afterwards fell on deaf ears as they decided to run all the way back to camp. sometimes i do wonder whether i live in Singapore or am i actually living in Kenya?

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2008-04-16T18:58:00.001+08:00

But hold your breathe
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
It's impossible to find

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2008-04-11T20:42:00.001+08:00

third semifinal in four years. against the same team over and over again. who's to say its not going to be third time lucky for Chelsea?

Nobody books in on a friday night. read: book in.

we're supposed to book out on friday, not book in! guard duty's taking its toll on me. ahh!

had a standy-by area just now before booking out by the OC. as usual, i took the bed nearest to the window in the four men bunk for commanders. when the OC came into the bunk, he went straight to the window, looked at the tree outside, looked at my bed then looked at me and say," Wan, are you sure you want to sleep here?"

of course i didnt know what he was hinting at. i only found out later that he was referring to the supernatural and that the batches before me who slept at where im sleeping now had encountered such experience before. lady in white walking outside the window even though the bunk's on the second floor and so on.

that's what you get when your camp is in lim chu kang and is being surrounded by cemeteries. exciting or whatttt.

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2008-04-09T21:23:00.001+08:00

When I text you, it doesn’t mean I have nothing to do
I just want you to know that im thinking of you

When I call you, it doesn’t mean that I have a lot of free time to spare
It means that I want you to know I really do care

When I tease you, it doesn’t mean that I’m trying to annoy you
It means that im trying to show my affection towards you.

When I tell you ghost stories, it doesn’t mean that I’m trying to scare you
I want you to know that whenever you need someone to talk to, I’m just a phonecall away.

And when I tell you that I’m attracted to you, I’m not lying to you
That's because I really do.

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2008-04-07T22:19:00.001+08:00

get ready for countless numbers of guard duties & 2 consecutive weekends to be burnt.

saddening or what?

cheer me up, pleaseee.

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2008-04-06T22:42:00.001+08:00

it was quite a short weekend for me this week. booked out on saturday morning after i've finished my guard duty shift. had a soccer match with el-krados against bukit panjang csc team at west view primary school field. okay actually its half of el-krados against the opponent cause most of us couldnt make it. didnt know that uncles played rough to make up for their lack of fitness and stamina. relax lah uncle, only friendly whattt, its not as if you got prize for winning the game or what right? heh.

met up with my army buddies for lunch on a sunday afternoon. did a lil bit of catching up and bitched about the army as we bid farewell to sufyan and rasyidin who would be going off to taiwan tmrw. you lucky toots. taiwan is much, much better than brunei, which i wil be going next year. sigh.

met up with my parents for dinner at bukit gombak. booking in by 2359 later. :( that emo feeling is beginning to sink in alrdy. i could feel it! haha.

and to you-know-who, i miss your voice alrdy. wahaha!

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2008-04-02T20:59:00.001+08:00

whenever i feel down, i just need to call you and i'd forget about all the troubles that im facing, instantly.

btw, im posted to the infamous charlie company in 4sir, known for being too hard and strict on the commanders and the men. sigh. what rotten luck. i had wanted to come to Alpha coy, but once the Charlie OC saw me, he went," YOU! you want to go to Alpha huh? F*ck you, you come to Charlie!"

i was like, okay, maybe it was an April Fools' joke.

but i was wrong.

that's life. you dont always get what you want. the ones you're given - make the best of it.

come on syazwan, its only for one more year. after Brunei next year, i can start counting down to OH-AR-DEE alrdyyy.

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2008-03-29T13:55:00.001+08:00

1st round: fast march around the camp

2nd round: fast march around the camp with 20kg jerry can

3rd round: fast march with jerry can and casevac

4th round: run round the camp and did standard obstacle course

5th round: fast march & had to drag tyres along.

ended it all with a PT session.

that was the step up programme/initiation which us, new commanders have to go through before we 'earn' the respects from those regulars in camp. all of this was done from yesterday night all the way till 5am today, where we officially recognised as commanders of 4sir.

finally, we will be treated like commanders. finally.

have to be back in camp by 0700hrs tmrw for guard duty though :/

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2008-03-23T19:02:00.001+08:00

time stands still whenever i talk to you. (:

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2008-03-22T16:50:00.001+08:00

friday.

tried to make full use of the so called long weekend here. met up with my poly buddies yesterday night and did a lil bit of catching up. oh ya, there was this incident which happened yesterday which made ray so kan cheong and made us sweat, literally.

haha ray was charged $155 for a $26 shirt, and he didnt realise it until he tried to withdraw money from an atm machine but couldnt, cause there's not enough money in there. so we had to rush all the wayyyy to the place to try and get back his money before the outlet closes at 930, which he did in the end. i was thinking that if he couldnt get back that refund, maybe he could get 6 more of those shirts to make up for that amount. haha! then everyday can wear one. cool or what?

saturday.

had a soccer match with fadhli's scdf mates at commonwealth today. the field was so muddy, the ball got stuck in the mud whenever it was kicked. one guy preferred to kick the ball together with the mud. i dont know why. maybe its his tactics! maybe he wanted the mud to get into my eyes so instead of going for the ball, i'd stand in the middle of the field clearing mud off my eyes. ahh now i know why! tsk tsk.

okayy lame.

btw, since its been a long time since we played a match together, i think the elks were kinda rusty just now. nevertheless, despite the rustiness the game ended in a 2-2 draw. heh.

sigh. whenever i think about booking in tomorrow, i get emotional. ahh. cannot watch the two big epl games tmr somemore. sheesh.

its always been like this.

why are army regulars so sadistic? do they derive pleasure by asking us to do all those stupid physical exercises? what's up with carrying a 20kg jerry can wherever you go? for whattttttt?

& why do they like to run so much?

its so mind boggling. dont you think so?

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2008-03-21T01:45:00.001+08:00

Doing route marches with a 20kg jerry can on your back is no joke.

and now my back's aching.

as much as i want to slack in the army, i just can't. it's not in my nature to do so. i'd feel uh, guilty. okayy maybe uneasy is the word to use.

and i no longer need to wonder when i'll ever get to talk to you cause i already did. (:

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2008-03-16T14:09:00.001+08:00

Sometimes i wonder

will i ever get to talk to you?

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2008-03-15T01:09:00.001+08:00

they say good guys always finish last.

i second that.

why do i even bother to spare a thought for others when they don't even give a damn about me?

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

SOC

2008-03-14T20:32:00.001+08:00

booked out from camp finally. this week's been okay. slacking on one day and training my ass off on another. today was a good example. we ended up running 9km doing the standard obstacle course over and over and over and over again for 3.5 hours. Its the first time i did SOC for 3.5 hours.

and now my calves' aching and my hand's full of blisters.

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2008-03-05T15:45:00.005+08:00

i tugged at the string
not wanting to let it go
with the wind against me
its difficult i know

as the wind got stronger
the harder i tried to pull
even though i knew much better
that the tension could cause the string to snap

i had two choices, i reckoned
i could take my chance, tug the string harder
and recover my kite
or i could just release that tension
and allow the kite to flyyy
away with the wind, forever

i closed my eyes as i released the grip on the string
till i could no longer feel the string in my hands

this time i could still feel the tug,
not from the string

but from my heart.

-syazwan

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2008-03-05T14:51:00.001+08:00

When the going gets tough.

Unit life’s tough, I tell you. Much, much tougher than I’ve ever imagined. The first two weeks which I’ll be going through will be much tougher than sispec and bmt training add together. Its all about physical training before the men enlist in June.

Guess what, I even felt like giving up on the first day itself.

But I endured.. even though I don’t know for how long more I can endure.

So much for being a commander in the SAF.

Sigh. after training i'd be so damn tired that I'd sleep with my handphone in my hands.

I don’t even have the energy and time to reply to text messages.

and its only been three days.

somebody help me.

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2008-03-02T18:42:00.001+08:00

Hope

When I knew you six months back, I didn’t expect us to keep in contact for this long.

Now that six months whizzed past just like that, I could only clasp my hand helplessly and hope that we’d still be the same six months from now.

Or even better than what it is now.

But, no one can predict the future.

I know I cant. That’s why I’m only hoping.

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2008-03-02T18:33:00.001+08:00

D-Day

Tomorrow's the day that i've been dreading the most. Entering a unit in the Army. i dont know what to expect and also what is expected of me as a commander in 4 SIR. For one, the camp is in a secluded place, awayyy from civilisation. Lets not go to the part where its being surrounded by cemeteries and that its the perfect setting to create a scary movie. whatever.

So, when i lug my duffel bag and my field pack to old chua chu kang road tmrw at 715am in the morning, wish me luck guys. i need all the luck i can get for its my second home now, for the next 15 months that is.

sigh. im already beginning to miss life as a trainee.

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2008-02-29T16:44:00.003+08:00

Road Trip.

HELLO PEOPLE! I’m back from my Malacca road trip. To describe the trip as fun and enjoyable is an understatement, I think. Together with Ismadi, the two Hakims and Sahlan, we toured Malacca like never before in just under 24 hours.

When we reached JB, some of the roads were closed due to the Chingay Procession over there, which left the five of us having to walk quite a distance away to catch a cab in order for us to go to the place where we rented the car.

We reached Umbai, Malacca at around 1am in the wee hours of the morning where we stopped for the night at Sgt Hakim’s grandparent’s house. After we left Umbai the next day at around 10 am in the moning, our next stop was Sebatu, where we stopped by for lunch at Ismadi’s uncle’s really big bungalow house.

After lunch, it was time to move off. We drove to Banda Hilir where we shopped for the local delicacies there and also visited some of the memorial buildings. We decided to go to Ayer Keroh and try out the go-cart there but sadly, it was raining and the rates were too high for us to afford. RM25 for a measly 10 minutes. Wth.

Since we didn’t go go-carting, we decided to stop by Gunung Ledang as our last destination for the road trip. We hiked all the way to the waterfall area and admired the breath-taking scenery there. There, I forgot all about my responsibilities I have to shoulder over in Singapore and for once, I felt at ease due to the peace and tranquility of the place.

Before we knew it, it was time to head back. Truth be told, I didn’t want the road trip to end but we all know that all good things have to come to an end. Reached JB at around 10pm, returned the car, had seafood for supper at one of the street stalls there before heading back to Singapore.

KL, Taipei, Teluk Bakau, Malacca conquered. Next destination, guys?

Okay, pictures up next!

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2008-02-27T15:57:00.001+08:00

After 5 ½ long months in Pasir Laba Camp, this was it. My life as a trainee in SISPEC is finally over. Time flies, without a doubt. The graduation parade yesterday was a bittersweet event for me.

My life’s gonna change from now onwards. As a commander in 4 SIR, I gotta watch my own back, and stay humble no matter what. Life’s gonna be totally different as compared to my days as a SISPEC trainee. Nobody’s gonna tell me what to do, I gotta learn everything myself and if I stumble and fall, I gotta be strong enough to get up and learn from my mistakes.

Am gonna miss my sispec mates which have been together with me for the past 5 ½ months, especially those who have been together with me all the way from Kilo and Foxtrot coy. We’ve gone through thick and thin together during trainings and they were the ones who made trainings fun and bearable for me.

Now that I’ve earned my three stripes, I’ll try my best to be a good commander and mould my men to be competent soldiers. That, I’ll try my best to do

That apart, I’m going to Malacca tonight with my army friends before we go to our different units on Monday.

Till then.

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2008-02-17T01:38:00.001+08:00

Played street soccer with my ASLC mates after booking out on a Saturday afternoon. its been a while, I must say. Met up with Kennie and Ling Han at Vivo in the evening for the first time since I came back from Taiwan. Wanted to watch Jumper initially but tickets were all sold out, be it at vivo, cathay or even PS. In the end, we just chilled out and did a lil of catching up and had prata at Thomson for supper before heading back home.

I still wanna watch Jumper, Sweeney Todd and The Kite Runner. Anyone kind enough to watch ‘em with me?

NINE more days before I get that damned three stripes.

BMTC recruits better watch out. Nah kidding. I’ll be a nice sarge, I promise. Heh.

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2008-02-10T15:09:00.001+08:00

Hello people! I’m back from Teluk Bakau! Its one of the many ‘lil islands there are in Indonesia. Truth be told, I’ve never been to sucha island before but interestingly, it was an eye-opener for me.

I have a kampung house in Malacca but its completely different from the one I visited in Teluk Bakau. Thanks to Ismadi, I managed to experience life on top of the waters, like literally. It was fun, definitely.

Together with Ismadi, Sufyan and Hakim, we explored the little island where almost all of the houses there stood strong above the sea water, interacted and played soccer with the kids there, went fishing and swimming. It really brought out the kampung kid in me. heh.

It’s a place for you to just wind down and relax.. and escape from the busy city life in Singapore which, more often than other, leaves me asphyxiated.

Okay enough typing, peekchas up next!

Next stop, bangkok?

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2008-02-05T21:49:00.000+08:00

Any idiot can spell but it takes a poet to cast a spell with words.

-Gurmit Singh.

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2008-02-05T20:15:00.000+08:00

Dear God the only thing I ask of you is
to hold her when I'm not around,
when I'm much too far away
We all need that person who can be true to you
But I left her when I found her
And now I wish I'd stayed
’Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired
I'm missing you again oh no
Once again

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2008-02-04T00:29:00.001+08:00

Okay, i've just submitted my online application for a place in NTU.

I know its a 'lil late but nevertheless, wish me luck guys!

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2008-01-10T21:24:00.000+08:00

Been having three days of consecutive nights off since tuesday, which means money burnt due to the taxi fare back home every evening. the amount on the taxi meter increases like nobody's business lah.

Packed my stuff for the trip alrdy. physically, im prepared. but mentally, i dont think so.

ahh.

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2008-01-06T15:56:00.001+08:00

going to taiwan in one week time. time does indeed fly. it seemed like only yesterday i entered Advanced Section Leaders course. im glad i've already cleared my IPPT and SOC for ASLC, which is the veto factor to pass my course and pass out as a sergeant.

seriously, i dont know what to expect once im in taiwan. its the first time im going somewhere far away in a foreign land. i heard its gonna be cold there.

okay, im going off to buy some last minute stuff for my taiwan trip. okay, it shouldnt be called a trip, as in a holiday trip. AHH! im going to train in the jungles there. wake up, syazwan!

sigh.

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2008-01-01T15:26:00.001+08:00

HELLO ALL! (: Its great to be away from the hectic way of life here and just chill and relax as you breathe the fresh air over at the kampungs in Malaysia. That was exactly what I did a few weeks back as I took a break from the tough army regime in PLC camp as I went to Malacca with my family to wind downnn.

I just realised that I’ve been to Malaysia quite a number of times over the last two months. The recent trip was to KL with my family yesterday, even though I just booked out from camp on Sunday morning after my Platoon Live Firing. I was feeling damn shagged being the PC runner, carrying the Signal Set and charging up and down the steep hill 4 times shooting TARGET BOARDS. Hah so it was a well deserved rest.

Its kinda cool to be running to your target on top of the hill and at the same time, feeling bullets whiz past your legs as you run up. That was what I felt during the live firing. It was kinda scary, especially during the night shooting, where the only lights you can get from are the tracer rounds and your LAD from the rifle.

New Year Resolution.

Enough about army, I just realised that I’ve never made any new year resolutions for the past years, and I didn’t intend to make any this year. Truth be told, I can’t be bothered to make any, since I am not disciplined enough to abide by any long enough. Heh.

However, someone did ask me that magic question. What’s my resolution for this coming year. I gotta admit, that question actually stumped me. lol. But it got me thinking for a few minutes though cause I gotta give an answer no matter what.

I wanna be a better son, a better friend, a better listener & a better soldier!

In short, I wanna be a better person. ((:

That’s a politically correct answer, I know.

But isn’t that what everyone strives for? To constantly improve so that they would not lag behind?

I don’t know. I know its gonna be hard, but I’ll try.

If not now, when?

To all my friends out there, here’s wishing you a happy and blessed new year! :D

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2007-12-20T12:13:00.000+08:00

Congratulations to hady mirza for being the first ever Asian idol! He has made us proud, definitely. However, I don’t geddit when those cynics questioned his win with their own warped theories. What’s worse is that it’s our own damn Singaporeans who are doing the criticizing. The New Paper for one, instead of congratulating Hady for the win, they focused on theories as to how he had gotten the title. Its true that he was the underdog during the competition BUT if we Singaporeans do not even believe in our own local talent and do not give them our support, then who will?

In the first place why make him the Singapore Idol if the trust wasn’t there at all?

It’s a simple theory as to why he won. Hady gave his best during the competition, kept his head low, stayed humble and he won. He didn’t need to shout unnecessarily and showed off how loud he could be like some contestants from other countries. He wasn’t arrogant as compared to other contestants, who thought that they had won the contest even before stepping onto the stage.

Come on Singaporeans, its time for a change. If we don’t support our own local talent and don’t even have any confidence in them, what makes you think others will?

You'll sit alone forever
If you wait for the right time
What are you hoping for?

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2007-12-19T23:03:00.000+08:00

He tried to fight that feeling,
A feeling he’d held on to for so long.
He thought that past experience would make him stronger,
But as time flew by, he realised he was wrong.

He knew he had to do something,
Or the chance would be lost forever.
Some things can’t be recovered once they are lost
That he knew, and he couldn’t afford yet another blunder.

As much as he wanted to convey what he felt into words,
It seemed almost impossible to do so.
His shy nature didn’t help at all,
He felt like a loser, and that he was sure of.

He wanted to rectify the problem,
But it just kept coming back at him.
If he were to let that problem of his get the better of him,
Burying his face in his hands, the consequences he didn’t want to know.

He told himself to learn from his mistakes,
But those were empty promises.
As the ghost of his past came back to haunt him,
Its up to him to endure and fight on, or he could just let go and drown.

If not now, when?

-syazwan-

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2007-12-09T19:09:00.001+08:00

HELLO all! ASLC’s been kinda tough for me.. and its only a few days! 2 months plus of tough training to endure and I don’t even know if I could handle it. Sigh.

Received my beret a few days back in a beret presentation ceremony where we had to wake up at 3 plus in the morning, in our full battle order, walked a 5km fast march up a hill before eventually presented with our own berets. I tell you, I was totally breathless the moment I reached the top of that hill.

And then there’s TAIWANNNN on the 13th January if im not wrong. More hills to climb, more jungles to bash through (as if there’s not enough jungles in Singapore) and there’s the fcuking cold weather to endure there too. Who cares about the Taiwanese babes?

Trenches, shellscrape, Taiwan, Combat Skills Badge, SOC, IPPT..

I’ve been thinking.. and thinking..

The future looks bleak for me. Somehow.

And there’s the COS duty for me on 25th of December. One can never feel more depressed than this.

SIGH.

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2007-12-03T00:28:00.000+08:00

Can't you help me as I'm startin' to burn.
Too many doses and I'm starting to get an attraction.
My confidence is leaving me on my own.
No one can save me and you know I don't want the attention.

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2007-12-01T18:10:00.000+08:00

I’m officially a CORPORAL! ((: BSLC officially ended on Friday morning after our grueling 28km route march, which started at 10 pm on Thursday at Kranji War Memorial and ended back at Pasir Laba camp the next day at 6am in the morning. Straight after which, we had our graduation parade where you could see trainees swaying left to right, front and back trying to stay awake having walked 8 hours straight at night without stop. heh.

For me, I walked 30km. 2 extra kilometers which came from me walking from left to right and right to left as I fought to keep my eyelids open during the route march. Lol. And yes, I did hallucinate. Once, I saw an old uncle squatting beside a tree in the jungle. I was like, what the hell is this uncle doing squatting beside the tree at 2am in the morning? Alas, it was my own imagination. And on another occasion during the march, I thought I saw a road block, but noooo. There wasn’t any at all. Im glad my hallucination wasn’t that bad. A friend of mine thought he saw spiderman. Hahaha wtf.

BSLC ended. ASLC now. Going to Taiwan on the 5th week of training, which is the first week of 2008! DAMN! I’m gonna celebrate the new year in a foreign country? Sigh.

THIRTEEN LONG WEEKS to go before I become a sergeant. Woohoo!

But first, I hafta dig a fire trench.

Chest-level deep.

I nearly died digging a shellscrape and now they want me to dig a chest-level deep trench.

Somebody help me, please.

Played soccer with my sispec mates this morning at Boon Keng. Haha its been the same for me since BMTC which is, playing soccer after graduation. I played soccer with my BMT mates after graduation and im now doing the same thing with my SISPEC mates. haha!

One thing I’m not happy with the SAF is their security clearance. DAMN, if they are afraid so much abut letting the Malays go to other units like Armour, Artillery or even Signal, THEN WHY ASK US TO SERVE? My friend didn’t get into OCS because he had an uncle staying in Malaysia. Where’s the link, you tell me.

I feel that malays are not given much choice to branch out once we pass out from Basic Section Leaders Course. Once you enter SISPEC, your fate has been decided, as in where you will go – regardless of your performance there. Fair, no?

That’s life for you. deal with it.

Thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2007-11-25T13:12:00.001+08:00

Back from my KL trip with my SISPEC mates. Rented two Toyotas and drove there ourselves. Had loads of fun there definitely. Went to a lot of places and stuffed ourselves with food… and more food! Haha. The only disappointment was that the clubs there had an age limit. Not 18, but 21 instead. WTH.

Petaling street was where we did our retail therapy, which included wallets, shoes, tees, caps, watches and dvds. You name it, we buy it. WAHAHA.

And yeah, did I tell you my angmoh friend was harassed by a tranny? It goes like this.

“You wanna touch my pussy?”

“ Fuck off. Don’t touch me! You don’t even have one.”

HAHAHA. And so we laughed our heads off.

Finally, I managed to walk across the KLCC twin towers’ skybridge. The last few times that I went with my family, we missed the chance to do that. I was glad that this time, we managed to do so. The view wasn’t that magnificent due to all those haze in the morning.

And here are the pics.

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2007-11-17T20:12:00.001+08:00

Back for the weekend. Just completed my third and final field camp in Pulau Tekong. We were shagged throughout the navigation exercise during the field camp but managed to keep our heads high whenever we ran into BMTC recruits who were having their field camps in the tekong jungle. Heh. Carrying a SAW rifle with a signal set complete with a 1 metre long antenna made us the center of attraction with the recruits. Haha!

There’s also this confidence course which we SISPEC trainee had to go through today in the afternoon. we had to wear a chemical suit complete with gas masks called MOPP 4 if I remember correctly which made us look like those soldiers from CounterStrike, and enter a smoke chamber filled with CS smoke. Once inside that chamber, we had to do the 5 basic exercises, change the canister from our gas masks and finally take off the gas masks from our face as we had to shout out our NRIC number, rank and name before leaving the chamber. The purpose of taking the mask off and reciting our NRIC number, rank and name is for us to inhale in the CS smoke so as to experience the effect of the smoke (also called tear gas) which makes us tear and left a burning sensation on the face for a few minutes. We were told that that was the only time we would cry for the country. Whatever.

The first time I entered the gas chamber, I went out immediately because the smoke immediately entered my gas mask, causing me to choke leaving my throat with a burning sensation. Then, I was told that my gas mask was too big for my face and I had to change to a smaller gas mask in the end. Glad that the second time in the chamber went smoothly for me. yepp.

Eight weeks has passed. Three field camps endured, IPPT & SOC cleared. I’m looking forward to my off-in-lieu during the ninth week where most probably I’d spend it in KL with my platoon mates. Most probably we’d be driving there instead of taking a coach.

Two more weeks before I’ll get my first rank. Woohoo.

Okay, shall stop here for now. Till then, take care guys!

Syazwan signing offffff. BYEE!

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2007-11-10T17:17:00.001+08:00

Im going back to camp in a few hours’ time where I’ll be having section live firing tomorrow (yet another Sunday burnt) and my final field camp at tekong from Monday all the way to Thursday. Pfft.

The second field camp for me didn’t go as well as expected. Was put under intense stress and pressure during the setting up of ambush from my sergeant since I was the appointed the section commander but I managed to hold back all the vulgarities that I was about to spurt out right at his face. Glad that was over.

Did my Standard Obstacle Course Test yesterday. Glad I managed to pass the test cause its been a while since I trained on my combat fitness since its all been field camps for me for the past two weeks. Phew!

On a lighter note, went out with my poly buddies on the eve of deepavali to chill out. Its been a while since we met up with each other. One’s in OCS, one’s a combat medic, one’s in BMT and im in SISPEC. So naturally everyone had a lot to talk about. Walked around in town before deciding to walk all the way to Clarke Quay where we sat down for a drink at TCC and observed the crowd. Didn’t know that there are sooo many angmohs around in Singapore. Haha!

Think im gonna stop here for now. IPPT & SOC cleared. Only one last field camp and a 28km route march for me before I get my first rank – a corporal. WOOHOO!

Corporal Syazwan on the wayyyy now.

Then after that, its third sergeant. Heh. ((:

BYEE!

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2007-11-04T02:01:00.001+08:00

Hello all! Sorry for the lack of update. Been busy going in and out of the jungle fighting imaginary enemies. Lame, I know but that’s life for you as an NSF. Just two week ago, I had my matador and M203 live firing. I didn’t quite look forward to it cause it took place on a Sunday. WHO THE HELL WOULD COME BACK TO CAMP ON SUNDAY JUST TO SHOOT SOME BLOODY ROUNDS? Yeah. So that’s the story.

Currently, I’m having a back-to-back-to-back field camps. I’ve just finished my first field camp and the second one is on this coming Monday. The final one is at Pulau Tekong. I didn’t quite enjoy the first field camp due to the fact that it was raining for the second and third nights. Actually, we weren’t allowed to sleep during the third night as we had to set up an ambush on imaginary enemies during the night all the way till 6am the next day. So, I had to prone down behind a tree as a cover with my rifle in front of me, looking out for imaginary enemies. Funny right? Hahaha! Knowing me, I didn’t care and slept throughout the night, constantly accompanied by the mosquitoes buzzing around my ears and the ants which bit my hands 24/7. I had to resort to putting on ear plugs in the end.

Oh ya, I burnt my neck during the field camp too. It was straight after firing. I sat down and placed the rifle on my shoulder. Little did I know that the rifle would slide down my shoulder and touch my neck. The barrel was EFFING hot, I tell you. and that was how my neck got burnt. It was pretty bad lah. When my friends asked me what happened, I told them a live round narrowly missed me by a few inches and just grazed the side of my neck. Sounds heroic eh? Haha.

Went out with my elkrados mates for our hari raya visiting today. Had fun definitely as we did some catching up since most of us are in the army, well except for one that is. Its been almost 8 years now and we are still good soccer buddies. Haha! decided to catch the arsenal-man u match at my house and I was lucky the police didn’t come knocking on my door cause the peeps were practically shouting whenever a goal was scored or when either team missed a goal scoring opportunity. Me? im a Chelsea fan so I remained neutral during the match, even though I wanted arsenal to win cause I simply didn’t like man u. haha!

That’s it for now. My eyelids just simply refuse to open. Will update more when I come back from my second field camp. Till then, take care guys.

BYEE! (:

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2007-10-13T11:16:00.000+08:00

HELLO ALL! To all my fellow muslim friends, SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI! (:

Have fun, enjoy yourselves & eat in moderation yeah? Heh.

I only got today and tmrw to celebrate hari raya before booking in tmrw night. Sigh.

Live range this coming Monday. Then confinement this coming weekend due to yet another live range. Wth! :(

Then the week after I’m the company duty trainee – which means I have to stay in camp the following Sunday. HOW TO GO RAYA-ING LIKE THAT?

Pfft!

And more pfft!

Okay I’m going to stuff myself with more raya goodies. BYEE!

& take care guys!

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2007-10-06T21:40:00.000+08:00

Second week of SISPEC training has been hectic. Had to go through the SOC course three times in a week and not forgetting the 5km endurance run in our vest and slack attire. There’s also the Section Automatic Weapon handling test which we had to go through.

Next week’s my Basic Navigation test. I just hope I won’t get lost while trying to find those darned checkpoints, wherever they are placed at. Hell, I don’t understand a single shit that was taught about using the compass, map and all. As much as I think I wont get lost, I think I will – especially during the night navigation. Haha.

Hari Raya is coming soon but somehow, I just can’t feel the atmosphere. Maybe because I spend 3/4 of my time in camp. Sigh. or maybe because it’s been a while since I hear hari raya songs on the radio. Haha.

My life now revolves around Pasir Laba camp and back to my home in choa chu kang. I don’t have time to chill out with my friends anymore, be it my soccer buddies, my poly mates or even my Raven platoon mates.

Somebody ask me out, please? Lol

you're something beautiful
a contradiction
I wanna play the game
I want the friction

thebroken.thebeaten,and.thedamned.

2007-09-28T23:21:00.001+08:00

I’ve survived the first week of SISPEC training! Although it was only the first week, but it was still tough alright! Hehh mainly because I was fasting for the whole week and yet I had to run a 2km orientation run on Tuesday, followed by Standard Obstacle Course with a rundown of 1.9km in total with full battle order on Wednesday, 3km run plus strength training on Thursday and finally a 4km run this morning in our vest and slack.

You heard it right. That’s how physically demanding the training at SISPEC can be, and its only the first week of training. I was placed in Kilo Company, a new company in SISPEC, which meant that my batch is the pioneer of Kilo Company. Being the pioneer of K Coy has its advantages, no doubt. That includes first hand equipment including our cupboards and beds in the bunks as well as our very own Singapore-made SAR 21.

The training here is very much different from that in BMTC, such that we are not spoon-fed with information anymore. There is much more freedom here and we are expected to learn and find out new things on our own. For example, during the SAR 21 technical handling test just now, the commanders only went through with us 2 hours of weapon handling demonstration and for the rest of the afternoon, we were given time to fondle/experiment with the rifles ourselves and once we were sure about handling the weapon, we were tested on the technical handling on the same day itself.

That’s about it for my first week of SISPEC training. The training pace is gonna get much tougher and harder as the weeks go by. I just hope that I could survive this course somehow. My new bunkmates aren’t that bad either, all of them are rather friendly. I’m used to being the only malay guy in the bunk since BMT and its still the same in SISPEC.

Sigh, I miss the carefree BMT life I used to lead.

& My platoon mates forgetting my Raven Platoon 1.

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2007-09-22T03:08:00.000+08:00

This M1 ad is so damn funny, its killing me. lol.

"Gimme your address"

"Can you repeat that?"

"Sing-gahh-pourrr"

"Another country?"

"Hey! mumbai dahh"

"Innddiiaaa!"

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2007-09-22T03:03:00.000+08:00

He didn’t know what to say,
He didn’t know what to do.
His mind was in a state of disarray,
The frustration he felt, no one knew.

As the wind blew across his face,
He tried to find solace in the stillness of the night.
Trapped in an invisible maze,
He found it difficult to get out, no matter how hard he tried.

The perplexities in life that he came across,
Made him realise just how vulnerable he was.
As he close his eyes slowly,
He clenched his fist, trying hard to break free.

Deep in his heart, he knew
That in the end, everything else would come to naught.
No matter what he’s gonna do,
He was, after all, a loser – whether he liked it or not.

-syazwan.

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2007-09-21T23:38:00.001+08:00

Fucked up. Sispec’s all fucked up. It’s a place for the remaining recruits who don’t get into OCS.

Regardless of your IPPT results or your peer appraisal.

Hell, you can fail your IPPT and act like some fucked up recruit in camp who doesn’t give a damn about anything and you’ll still be able to make it into sispec. No problem at all.

If that’s the case, why bother training for 13 fucking long weeks just to pass your IPPT which would then ensure your place in command school?

Why bother at all when you can fail EVERYTHING and would still be able to make it to command school?

Where’s the standard? Or there’s no more standard anymore.

I feel like a total idiot. Seriously.

Fuck the system.

There’s no more pride in being a sergeant, trust me.

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2007-09-20T11:54:00.000+08:00

The Special One.

Jose mourinho has left Chelsea FC. Well, its about time, I think. He’s lost the plot at Chelsea already and its no use staying. I must admit he’s one of the world’s best managers though. Its ironic. Had he decided to leave end of last season, I’d feel sad for him but I’m kinda nonchalant about him leaving now. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been a Chelsea fan for over a decade now and I want the team to constantly do well all the time but it seems that Jose doesn’t appreciate his players as much now as compared to maybe, one or two years back?

Take the game with Rosenborg for example. He didn’t even mention Shevchenko’s name for the post match interview even though Shevchenko scored that crucial equaliser for them. Come on, give credit where its due. After all, Shevchenko has just scored his first goal for Chelsea this season and also his 60th in European competition.

His relationship with owner Roman Abramovich has been rocky from the start. The Champions league game with Rosenborg was the last blow Abramovich could take from him.

But did his departure come at a wrong time now? I mean, Chelsea isn’t doing particularly well at the moment and it doesn’t help much, now that he’s leaving. Furthermore, Chelsea are gonna face Man U this coming Sunday and it’s in games like this that they need someone like him to help alleviate some of the pressure faced by the players before the big game. I’m sure the club is in some kind of turmoil at the moment and definitely, some of the senior players won’t be happy with the fact that Mourinho decided to leave Chelsea. What if some of the key players who had pledged their allegiance to Mourinho decides to follow suit and leave Chelsea too come the January transfer window?

I just hope that Chelsea doesn’t crumble after he leaves and key players don’t follow suit, after all he has been an asset for Chelsea, winning countless domestic trophies. If I’m not wrong, he has won 2 premiership trophies, 1 FA Cup, 2 League Cups and 1 Community Shield.

Jose has been a fantastic manager for Chelsea, arguably the best Chelsea manager to date. The way he handles his players are excellent, except maybe for Shevchenko and Ballack. Just look at the way he keeps his players away from the media’s eyes and the spotlight. And how does he do that? By being the center of attraction himself, so that his players doesn’t feel the pressure from the damn media itself. Who could forget the sharp tongue of his? Always engaging in war of words with other managers and never failed to make me smile with his comments, such as;

"Please don't call me arrogant, but I'm European champion and I think I'm a special one."
"We have top players and, sorry if I'm arrogant, we have a top manager."
"If I wanted to have an easy job...I would have stayed at Porto - beautiful blue chair, the Uefa Champions League trophy, God, and after God, me."
"Everybody wants Chelsea to lose a game. When they do they should declare a public holiday."
"I think he is one of these people who is a voyeur. He likes to watch other people. There are some guys who, when they are at home, have a big telescope to see what happens in other families. He speaks, speaks, speaks about Chelsea."
"I am more scared of bird flu than football. What is football compared with life? I have to buy some masks and stuff - maybe for my team as well."

This is the one I like the most - "Look, we're not entertaining? I don't care; we win."

He was the one who brought effective brand of football to chelsea and that winning mentality to all his players. Because of him, Stamford Bridge has become a fortress now. Well at least he can now say that he has never been beaten at home, no matter which club he managed.

I’ll always appreciate the work he’s done at Chelsea, no matter how controversial he’s been during his short but successful reign at the Bridge. After all, he is the Special One and will always be.

thebroken.thebeaten.and.the.damned.

2007-09-20T01:58:00.001+08:00

They say a picture paints a thousand words. How apt.

Presenting – Five thousand words entry! Hah!

With my poly buddies.

BMT buddies.

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2007-09-19T14:35:00.001+08:00

Met up with my poly buddies in town. Window-shopped as usual before deciding to catch Premonition at Cineleisure.

The movie was a sad, sad one to watch. It was about this lady (Sandra Bullock) waking up one day finding her husband dead and another day, her husband alive. Confusing eh? It got me confused too. So it’s like she had this premonition (like the name of the movie suggests) that her husband’s gonna be dead and the movie revolves around that, and what she’s gonna do to change the situation apart from the fact that she wakes up each day to different situations that she had to face. Something like that, uh.

After the movie, we headed to breeks for dinner and chilled at mccafe after that where we did some catching up, sort of.

Oh ya, I received my safra card after like 3893431295 days? So much for being efficient.

My block leave’s ending soooon. Damn! & soon I’ll be posted to a new unit.

Wish me luck in my new vocation.

I'm finished making sense
Done pleading ignorance
That whole defense
Spinning infinity

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2007-09-18T01:28:00.000+08:00

Its been a while since I last drove the family car and I gotta say it felt great driving once again! Fetched my mum from work just now since I was bored rotting and slacking at home doing nothing.

On a sidenote, I can’t wait to know which vocation i'd be sent to after BMT. If anything, I can only blame myself for keeping a sucha low profile in BMT, so much so that my true potential weren't unleashed at all. ya right!

Meeting up with my poly buddies in town tmr to do a ‘lil bit of catching up since its been a while since we last met. i'm sure there'll be alot to talk about. Yepp.

Updates soon! Take care peeps.

why is it that when I have the chance to converse with you with the limited opportunity that I have, I just can’t seem to find the right words to say to you?

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2007-09-13T05:54:00.001+08:00

11th of September 2007 was a memorable day for us recruits from BMTC 2. Especially those from Raven Platoon 1. It was the day chao recruits turned into privates, so-called qualified soldiers.

The day started on a low for us. So low, that we didn’t even have any mood to pass out as privates. It was because just two hours before the parade started, the sky started to turn gray. Dark gray. Following which it began to rain heavily and from then on, there were grim faces all around as we stared hopelessly into the sky, somewhat hoping for the rain to stop.

Guess what, the rain did stop, but the misery didn’t end there. Just when we were about to fall in and march towards the parade square, our platoon sergeant decided to fuck us upside down for one last time as a remembrance sake. Actually it was because of something that a platoon mate of mine did, which I shall not elaborate here. My platoon sergeant shouted so loud, I thought he shouted louder than the parade commander during our POP. He was very, very emotional when he was punishing us. So emotional that his voice sounded as though he was about to cry anytime soon. Guess he was really, really disappointed with us.

The part which I wouldn’t be able to forget most during the parade would be the part whereby parents were invited to walk onto the parade square and put on the jockey caps for their sons. For that moment in time, I felt damn proud being a soldier serving the army. Another moment that would be etched in my mind for a long time to come would be the throwing of our jockey caps into the sky, as that marked the end of our recruit days, as well as the parade itself.

Who could forget our Raven war cry after the parade? It was kinda scary and made an impact on the parents, I think.

Ended the day with an outing with my section mates before meeting up with the rest of the platoon. We caught a movie before chilling out in town till 1 plus in the morning.

12th September 2007

Met up with some of the guys for soccer early in the morning at NYP, following which we had lunch at yio chu kang where we sat and talked for 3 hours plus. We reminisced about our days in tekong and bitched about the other recruits in our platoon which left a bad impression on us. Those are the recruits who simply could not be bothered during training, boast about in camp as well as those who are plain lazy and stubborn. Shame on them.

When the rest decided that it was time to leave, myself, jonnie, prasad and asri headed for town instead to window shop and chilled at mccafe where we played some stupid games just to kill time before heading home. That’s about it for the first day of my block leave.

Okay, think I’ll stop here. To all fellow Muslims, happy fasting! (:

Take care, peeps!

RavenOneSectionFourSmartestFour.

With Platoon Sergeant Alvin, best commander in BMTC 2 for the previous two batches of recruits.

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2007-09-09T08:17:00.000+08:00

Beads of perspiration trickled down his forehead,
Fist clenched, eyes looking straight ahead.
This is the moment I’ve been waiting for, he said
Why should I feel sad? I should be happy instead.

Those three months that he had endured,
Tough training regimes and frequent ‘half-left-downs’.
Could only make him into someone more matured
He glanced around, everyone was standing still not making any sound.

Those strangers that he saw for the first time,
Enlisted together with him on the fourteenth of June.
Now they are brothers in arms, in times of peace or wartime
Life’s cruel so they say, everyone’s gonna go their own way soon.

Whatever path lies ahead of him, be it smooth or rough
He’ll try his best not to stumble and fall.
Even if the going gets tough,
He’ll try to conquer ‘em all, standing tall.

-syazwan-

thebroken.thebeaten.andthedamned.

2007-09-08T20:46:00.001+08:00

Completed my 24 km route march on Wednesday. The event that most recruits have been waiting for since their enlistment day is finally over. The 24 km route march is not that physically tiring, but it does drain you mentally. Like the commanders said, after the 16 km mark, its all up in your head and whether you have the determination to complete the remaining 8 km when you’re feeling all tired and sleepy at the same time. As for me, I’m just glad I completed the route march.

This past week has been slack, in a sense that there’s not much physical training except for the 24 km route march which started around 345pm and ended around 1105pm if I’m not wrong. There’s also the Passing Out Parade rehearsals every single day after our route march, be it rain or shine.

Games Day was boring. Its no fun when there’s no soccer/futsal competition among the different school 2 companies. Firstly, the games are all lame except for the tug of war, which my company came in third. Secondly, the weather was damn hot that when we came back to our bunks, everyone’s faces was as red as a tomato. Third, there was no soccer competition among the companies, or futsal for that matter. Games day without soccer competition is like uh, showering without using soap? Okay whatever. I suck at using analogies.

That evening after the Games Day on Thursday, we had our Recruits’ Evening where we were allowed to wear our civilian clothing that we brought in on the day of our enlistment. The recruits evening was slightly better than the Games Day as there were performances from the various companies from BMTC school 2 as well as performances from the SAF Music and Drama company who came down to put up a few performances for the hormonally-charged recruits of BMTC with their female performers. Oh ya, the Anugerah 05 winner was there too.

That night, we jumped like mad to the beat of the music. There was also a few retarded recruits who tried to bodysurf among the crowd. I felt like shoving my SOG knife up their ass. Luckily for them, I left my SOG knife in my bunk.

Hmm, what now? Three more days to my actual Passing Out parade ceremony. There’s a lot of things that I’ve learnt during my 13 weeks in Tekong. They say a recruit’s life is the best time during the 2 years of army. I’ve made a lot of friends here and went through a lot of shit together with them. Literally.

How ironic can life be? Just when we are about to bond closer as a platoon, we have to go our separate ways come POP on the 11th September.

RavenOneSectionFour.

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2007-09-02T16:51:00.000+08:00

Booking in in a few hours time.

NINE more days to POP.

Mixed emotions.

Okay byee.

Through it all
I've made my mistakes
I'll stumble, and fall
But I mean these words

I want you to know
With everything, I won't let this go
These words are my heart, and soul
And I'll hold on to this moment, you know
As I bleed my heart out to show
And I won't let go

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2007-09-01T22:22:00.001+08:00

Completed my 16km route march and my IPPT on Monday and Friday respectively. What’s left waiting for me in Tekong is only my 24km route march and my passing out parade. Already having a hectic schedule for the weekend. Went out to town yesterday with my bunkmates right after the Army Open House visit at Pasir Laba Camp. I don’t get it why they insist on recruits going for the open house thingy when, after all, we are already in the army.

Had a quick dinner before deciding to watch 1408 at Lido. Its been a while since I watched something scary for a movie with my friends. The movie was not bad. Its about a writer who doesn’t believe in the supernatural and and resorted to writing books such as Top 10 Haunted Hotels in which he falsely claimed to have had supernatural experiences. His latest research subject for these books is a hotel room in New York City with an ominous past. The incidents he faced in the hotel room changed his life forever.

After the movie, decided to chill at mac for a while to reminisce and talk about the recruits’ life that we had gone through for the past 2 and a half months. It was kinda nice to just sit down and have a nice chat with our army buddies and laugh the night away, talking about our lives as chao recruits. And not forgetting, bitching about those recruits who are right at the top of our Most Hated List. Reached home at around 2am that night.

I’ve learnt that if there’s nothing for you to do during your admin time in the army, try playing monopoly. That was what my bunkmates and me did the night before our IPPT. It kept us occupied for almost two long hours and we were still not done playing by then.

Before I forget, my cousin’s getting married tomorrow. Dropped by her place just now together with my family to help out abit with the preparations and stuff and will drop by again tomorrow in the afternoon. Will be booking in at 7.30pm tomorrow evening.

Okay, going off now. Feeling kinda tired at the moment. Think I’m gonna start reading the book which I just bought today. It’s called The Kite Runner. Okay BYEE! (:

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2007-08-26T16:00:00.000+08:00

Booking in again in 2 hours time. Somehow it feels as if time flies when I’m at home. IPPT’s on this coming Friday and I’m not ready for it at all. How to pass? & not forgetting the 16km route march tomorrow which I totally dread.

Morale’s low now. Damn low.

Guess I’ll take one step at a time.

Command School? Or be a man and follow orders? I totally have no idea which path I wanna take.

16 more days and I’ll be free, or will I ever be free?

Syazwan’s a confused recruit. Somebody help him, please.

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2007-08-25T08:22:00.000+08:00

the sound of thunder in Tekong is like music to my ears.

the sight of lightning striking here and there is like a work of art to my eyes.

cause then, there'll be no training till the weather is clear.

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2007-08-24T23:12:00.001+08:00

This week’s been more physical, in a sense that there are more runs and strength trainings for the recruits due to the fact that IPPT’s on next Friday. Highlight of the week was going to the Basic Assault Course ground where we utilized our rifles to hit target boards and tyres which was used to represent ‘enemies’. Fake enemies. Recruits are often made to look like idiots, shouting war cries in the jungle and fighting fake/invisible enemies.

What more can you ask for?

There’s this school fire drill which was held on Wednesday. I laughed my socks off when I saw recruits from this particular company wearing their PT kits with HELMETS, carrying pails on the other hand. How ridiculous can they get?

But it’s the standard procedure to carry your helmet and pail along when you gather for a fire drill.

That’s why I say, recruits are often made to look like idiots, whether you like it or not.

But still, they say a recruit’s life is the best during your two years in army. I think I agree with that.

Will be going for my 16 km route march this coming Monday. Wish me luck. Think I’ll be wearing two pair of socks just in case I get blisters. Hahh! Still remember the first route march we had and one of my section mate was complaining how painful his blisters were.

I told him if blisters weren’t painful, it would be called blissful instead.

And then there was silence all around. From then on, after subsequent route marches, no one complained how painful their blisters are anymore.

There are certain people you just keep coming back to
She is right in front of you
You begin to wonder could you find a better one
Compared to her now she's in question

And all at once the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2007-08-19T18:10:00.001+08:00

Two more hours to book in. Back to tekong where the same old cycle continues. Did I tell you that I could see the National day fireworks all the wayyy from Tekong ferry terminal? Haha it kinda lighten up my mood.

That’s about it for now. Will be back on Friday evening if everything goes according to plan.

Till then, more strength trainings and runs awaits me once I step onto the island.

Take care my friends. BYEE.

In the meantime, all i can say is, go Chelsea go! :D

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2007-08-19T11:33:00.001+08:00

Met up with poly buddies Kennie, Ling Han, Nazri, Sahlan and Ray yesterday to catch a movie as well as doing a lil’ bit of catching up – updating one another about what we have been up to lately, whether in the army or at work.

We decided to watch The Bourne Ultimatum before having dinner at Swensen’s. Ended the day with a few game of pool at Lucky Plaza. Just a few months in Tekong and I forgot how to aim a pool ball. Tsk.

Funeral For a Friend is coming to Singapore on the 8th of September. Anyone wanna go with me? :D

Damn i can't watch the Liverpool Chelsea match later as i'm booking in at 8.30pm. wtf. I'm rooting for Chelsea to leave anfield with maximum points. hahh!

okay, off to play futbol now. BYEE.

Did you run away
Did you fall apart
Do you see yourself for what you are
Will you be looking for it anymore
When five becomes four

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2007-08-17T23:13:00.001+08:00

I’m back! :D its nearing my POP now and I’ve completed all the major events in BMT except for my IPPT test, 16 km and my 24 km route march.

Gone through my Situational test last weekend where we were divided into details in our company level, which meant we had to work with people we are not familiar with in solving and accomplishing different types of missions given out to us within a space of 2 days. These missions include demolishing bridges, rescuing hostages, carrying wounded soldiers across a broken bridge and so on. It was mentally and physically challenging but at the end of the day, it felt great if we managed to accomplish the mission handed out to us. Did I say we had to march 12 km first before we were even allowed to take the Situational test? Kinda tiring lah.

Completed my Standard Obstacle Course test a few days back. Glad I managed to clear it within just one try in under 6 minutes. Like the saying goes in BMTC, ‘do it once, do it good’. There’s also this Basic Close Combat Training that we have to undergo everyday under the scorching hot sun. dammit!

I’m counting down the number of days to my passing out parade. Its sooo close I can almost smell it.

When the day comes, we’ll be throwing our jockey caps into the air.

I’m so gonna miss my bunkmates when that day comes.

September 11, I’m waiting for the day to come.

With mixed emotions, definitely.

Btw, anybody wanna catch Funeral For a Friend concert with me? hehh.

You'll sit alone forever
If you wait for the right time
What are you hoping for?
I'm here and now I'm ready
Holding on tight
Dont give away the end
The one thing that stays mine.

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2007-08-09T00:45:00.000+08:00

One word to describe the hand grenade live throw we had earlier on today – ORGASMIC! The feeling was simply indescribable. The model of the grenade we threw was Singapore Fragmentation Grenade 87 or SFG 87 for short which has approximately 2200 ball bearings inside.

At first, I was kinda nervous but after the live throw, I felt like throwing another one. One of my section mate threw a blind, which meant that the grenade he threw didn’t explode at all. WAHAHA! It MUST BE due to the fact that he did not bathe before going for the hand grenade live throw. Tsk tsk. Because of that, the so-called bomb detonation squad or whatever they’re called, had to use a C4 to explode the blinded grenade. The C4 explosion was 10 times louder and much, much more powerful than the SFG 87.

If given a choice, I wanna do it again. Definitely.

Recruit Syazwan signing off for now.

Till next week, HAPPY BIRTHDAY SINGAPURA! (:

If you believe it’s in my soul
I’d say all the words that I know
Just to see if you were a show
That I'm trying to let you know
That I’m better off on my own.

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2007-08-05T01:05:00.000+08:00

If you have to let it go
And these dreams keep you awake
If you have to let it go
Walk away

And the waiting is the hardest thing to take
In a moment more before we break

walk away
funeral for a friend

and before i forget, you guys should go listen to yellowcard's new album called Paper Walls. its kinda nice. okay, it really is nice. hahh.

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2007-08-04T22:30:00.001+08:00

Its been a while since I met up with my poly buddies so I decided to meet up with kennie and accompany him to Sim Lim to scour the area for PSPs and to compare prices at the same time. Truth be told, I was tempted to buy one too but I managed to curb the urge. Maybe I’ll buy it next month, lah. Yeah I think I will.

After that, we had waffles at gelare and did a bit of catching up before leaving. Met up with my family after that for dinner at bukit gombak. It felt great driving the family car once again after like two months. I’m just glad I still remembered how to drive. Phew.

I’m booking out this coming Wednesday evening but will be confined during the weekends due to the SIT test. DAMN! What rotten luck. On a brighter note, once my SIT test ends, it means that most of the major events for my BMT has ended except for my IPPT. The fact that there’s still a month to go before my passing out parade means that I’d have ample time to train for my IPPT.

I don’t know if I should try for command school after BMT.

Should I?

You're way too beautiful girl
That's why it'll never work
You'll have me suicidal, suicidal
When you say it's over

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2007-08-03T15:51:00.001+08:00

Field camp is finally over! After SIX grueling long days spent in the jungle eating cold food rations, digging and sleeping in shellscrapes and not forgetting the daily powder baths, its all over! Woohoo!

1st day: Before our field camp started, we had a 10km route march from our company line all the way to the campsite. The first activity for the day was urban training where we learnt to storm dilapidated and old buildings for imaginary enemies. There were standard operational procedures that we had to follow in order for the operation to be a smooth one. We learnt to scan through rooms, storm into rooms as well as throwing grenades into rooms when necessary. Ended the day with a 1km march back to our campsite where we slept for the night. The whole platoon had to leopard crawl on mud because we could not set up our tents on time. @#$%!

2nd day: Started the day with the urban training test where we were divided into groups of trees and we had to storm buildings filled with Figure 11 target boards hidden behind pillars. Sadly, we were only given blanks instead of live rounds. That basically sums up my second day apart from some lectures regarding conventional warfare in the jungle.

3rd day: had our conventional warfare training in the jungle, complete with our camouflage on and blanks. We were taught how to react to enemy fire and how to move on from there to finish off the enemy. Basically, we had to move in a line formation in the jungle to accomplish a certain mission. On the way, we would be contacted by enemies and we had to learn what to do next. That’s about it for the third day.

4th day: The most tiring day and the one that left the most impact on me. I felt like giving up but decided to hold on nevertheless. This was the day we changed campsites to our second location & one where we had to dig our own shellscrapes. For those of you who do not know what shellscrapes are, its like a grave – the only difference being the depth of the shellscrapes. It is not as deep. the timing for us to dig out shellscrapes was 45 minutes but we were given an additional 45 minutes to finish the job. Guess what? I only finished mine after 3 hours! So did the rest of my platoon. The rain midway through our shellscrape digging didn’t help at all too. When we didn’t finish digging our shellscrapes within the stipulated time, we were fucked upside down by the commanders who showed no compassion for the totally shagged recruits. From then on, I had a new found respect for gravediggers back in the 80s and 90s who had to dig every single day.

After our shellscrape digging, there was a technical break for the recruits, which meant fresh food (not rations) and also our long awaited shower from jerry cans. Showering had never felt better.

5th day: The day where we had our Group Battle Course test in the jungle – applying whatever we had learnt throughout the third and the fourth day of field camp into practice. We had to move through the jungle and being occasionally contacted by commanders pretending to be enemies. There were also Figure 11 target boards that were placed behind trees and so, we had to react to the enemy fire and the necessary steps to move on from there.

6th day: Last day of field camp! Had to fill up the shellscrape hole with soil before our 4+ km route march to the Battle Inoculation Course ground where we had to leopard crawl and back crawl for 80 metres or so. There was no way we could rest or stand up during the course as there were commanders shooting above us using live rounds. That basically concluded our 6 days of field camps.

It was quite a memorable experience for me, learning new things and gaining new knowledge along the way. Getting fucked during field camp is only normal for chao recruits like us and it’s the things like this which actually makes the recruits stronger and more disciplined as an individual and looking at things on a bigger scale, field camp actually bond the recruits within a platoon together as we suffered the same shit together.

I’m glad field camp’s over.

SIT test next.

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.

2007-07-22T14:05:00.000+08:00

I kinda miss writing poems now that i'm in the army. don't get me wrong, i'm not being 'emo' or anything like that but i'm just trying to portray the other side of me that no one has seen before. okay, whatever.

Time is a crucial factor once you're in the army. definitely.

-----

In life, you don’t always get what you wish for
Life is unpredictable so they say.
Nothing’s for certain, that’s for sure
So throw it all away.

I’m serving the nation now
Oblivious to the events happening around me everyday.
I’ll get through it, somehow
If that doesn't happen, I’ll throw it all away.

-syazwan-

thebroken.thebeaten.and.thedamned.